It's been awhile since I've done one of these. It pangs my heart to write these words knowing they're coming from several pieces of my breaking soul and spirit. Not my heart, though. They won't get that.
There used to be a time when my eye never strayed from a pen touching paper. Whether it be doodles or notes or fragments of sentences that never found a proper place, words were my everything. Now what's my everything? Nothing and anything, with lots in between. Cigarettes, alcohol, and insecurites primarily. Not necessarily in that order, but one cannot be taken without the other these days...
My issue is, I lose focus easily. My mind flows from one large ocean to several streams in five seconds. For example, I just looked through different tabs of Facebook, YouTube, and this, and it's taking me way normal than it has to be for me to write something that comes so easily when it's time to cry...
... and this is where the main focal point comes to a head... finally...
My friend Travis referred me to his sister's blog last week in regards to a long discussion about religion. Not to relay the details of that conversation, but he thought I might find some inspiration in her relationship with the world in conjunction with her relationship with God. Granted, I did find inspiration, but not in the hopes that he would've liked. What grabbed my attention was a blog she posted about wanting to find love, and wondering if the Lord's love was all she needed to fill her empty heart. She then concluded that, it's okay to pray for someone. It's okay to realize your lonliness. It's okay to want someone to understand the depths of your soul.
At a time I thought this was true, that it was okay to wait for that one person that makes you feel that if the world ended now you would watch the new dawn approach hand in hand and soul with soul.
Now I don't know what I think.
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